Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
