the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
