walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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