I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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