sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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