We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
