Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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