Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you had me at cake vodka
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
