he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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