I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
