I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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