Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
