I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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