got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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