I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
