Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
