eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
