how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
