I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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