I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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