I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
