wanna go halves on a baby?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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