weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
