I wannas sexs uuuuu
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
