Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
