I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
