i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
