i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
