I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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