Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
