I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
