Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
