new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
