i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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