Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
