Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
