Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
