he wants to bone in the snuggie
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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