I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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