Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
