I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
