this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
