I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you still have your period?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
