just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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