I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
