why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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