You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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