Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
