i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
