and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
