well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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