While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
