my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
