I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
